By Katherine Metzelaar, MSN, RDN, CD

I have a confession to make: I used to be afraid of cheese.

Yes, cheese. All cheese.

And, it took me a long time to understand my fear. You see, I had been told throughout my life a whole litany of things about cheese:

“It’s full of fat,” “It’s indulgent,” “It causes inflammation,” “It’s not healthy,” “It’s a sometimes food,” “You don’t need dairy,” “It’s sinfully delicious,” “Don’t put too much cheese on that sandwich,” “oh gosh, I can’t have too much cheese, I am trying to watch myself,” and much more.

So I avoided it.

And, at the height of my eating disorder, I didn’t have it for many years, telling myself that I was doing it for “health,” but really it was based entirely in fear.

Fear of my body changing, fear of allowing myself to feel pleasure, fear of death, fear of taking up space, fear of thinking differently than others, and fear that I was doing something “wrong” with a deep desire to want to do things just “right.” Poor unsuspecting cheese.

I had followed Dr. Google’s advice, blogs written by non-medical professionals that touted fear-mongering ideas about the “harms” of foods and food groups; this time, dairy and cheese being the victim. I thought I was doing it right.

It was only after many years of therapy and becoming a medical professional that I was able to come back to cheese and fall in love with it again. I had to unpack years of conditioning about cheese and learn new ways of thinking about it.

And now, I adore cheese.

Yep, that’s right. I love the journey cheese goes on. I am fascinated by how it travels the world, the fermentation process, and how I never knew I could love mold so much.

I also love cheese because of the diversity of flavors and pungency, the fact that it gives me much needed protein and fats, it goes with almost anything, it keeps for some time in the fridge, it’s easy and accessible, and it brings joy to others when I serve it in meals and snacks.

So what does this have to do with you and your relationship with food?

While your journey is most certainly different than mine, you may now find yourself being influenced by what “other people” are telling you to restrict. Especially now, as you navigate a new normal, possible body changes, and disruption in all routines as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.

And those “other people” could be the internet (social media, etc.), family members, bloggers, personal trainers, and (medical) professionals.

But here’s the rub: you are missing out. And I don’t mean in a FOMO kinda way.

What I mean is, you are missing out on life.

You are missing out on pleasure, connection, love, enjoyment, ease, and variety. You are missing out on pursuing that job, taking that risk, going out on that date, showing up more fully with the people you love, or stepping into your power because your thoughts are consumed with what foods you cannot have or the guilt/shame you feel about eating foods that you “shouldn’t” have.

And, while my journey back to cheese was long, it was well worth the effort.

I no longer feel afraid of loving cheese and I give myself full permission to delight in the unending pleasure that I get from it. My thoughts are not consumed with negative thoughts about cheese, freeing me up to use that space for how I choose to use it.

Unapologetically.

And I want this for you. I want you to rediscover foods that you have been told are “bad” for you. I want you to reconnect to what foods YOU like, not foods other people have told you to like.

I want to you know at your core that you are deserving of experiencing pleasure from food no matter what size body you are in and that pleasure is not reserved for only thin people.

I want you to fall back in love with cheese too.

You’ll also love…

Do you want support in learning to love your previous favorite foods again?

Creating a better, more intuitive relationship with food takes time especially when you have had food rules for many years. Yet, you deserve to have food be a pleasurable part of your life. The caring dietitians from our Seattle, WA-based nutrition counseling practice would be honored to help you heal your relationship to food. We offer a variety of services including support for eating disorders, body image, intuitive eating, Bulimia treatment, Anorexia treatment, and chronic dieting. We also offer a body image support group. For more information, please feel free to visit our blog, FAQ, resources page, or contact us now!

Lessons in Loving Cheese and What You Miss Out On By Following Other People's Food Rules