How Will I Know I've Recovered From My Eating Disorder?
By Lindsay Hodgson, MSN
When it comes to recovery, there’s no doubt that it’s hard work and an incredibly brave journey.
If you’re in the midst of your recovery from an eating disorder, chronic dieting, or a difficult relationship with food and your body, you’re probably all too familiar with the feeling of discomfort in the process. You may be wondering, when will I be through this? How will I know I’ve recovered?
As with many of the topics we discuss at Bravespace Nutrition, the answer to the question is not always simple. The journey is individual and personal, so unfortunately there is no time stamp or boxes you must check. Being recovered from an eating disorder means SO much more than stopping eating disorder behaviors or reaching the point where you no longer meet the diagnostic criteria. In fact, one could argue it is more about the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings you gain as opposed to those you reject or eliminate. It’s about your full self being able to live your most authentic life.
Thinking about your past struggles, your values and your vision for your next chapter may be useful in understanding the meaning of the “other side” of recovery. In order to have a sense of whether you’re recovered, it may be helpful to define for yourself what being recovered means because your own journey is what truly matters. This blog is meant to inspire some reflection about how you might conceptualize being recovered given the life you imagine for yourself. In other words, take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t!
How do we define “recovered“ when it comes to eating disorders/disordered eating?
While being recovered may not look the same person to person, the following attributes may ring true:
Resilience: For many people with an eating disorder past, the eating disorders were a tool for coping with difficult circumstances, life transitions, or trauma. Though destructive, the eating disorder has served a purpose in that person’s life. Likely you have confronted vulnerabilities in recovery, allowing you to dig deeper than the surface. To some people, being recovered may mean a feeling of strength and resilience. You may have cultivated more nourishing and kind ways of calming yourself, ensuring your safety, and coping with stressors. Being recovered doesn’t necessarily mean that you never have disordered thoughts or feelings, but that you are able to recognize them and use other tools in your toolbox if and when they resurface.
Understanding: Being recovered may also come with a sense of understanding. This can mean understanding elements of the eating disorder such as how the eating disorder developed, what exacerbates eating disorder thoughts or behaviors, and how the eating disorder has served you. This kind of inquiry throughout recovery can be helpful by allowing you and your care team to work with approaches that will be most effective for your healing. As you progress, understanding helps you practice self-care and create a life that will best serve your recovered self. For many, being recovered comes with an ability to better understand their own selves, and even trust themselves.
Kindness: One area that differentiates being recovered includes the way that you approach food, movement, and your body. While experiencing disordered eating and in the eating disorder, you may have deprived yourself, used exercise as punishment, had strict food rules, felt shame or guilt, or spoke unkindly towards your body. In fact, diet culture normalizes being self critical in the name of being “strong” or “disciplined.” However, being recovered may mean approaching food, movement, and your body from a place of self-care. Speaking to yourself with more kindness and thinking about your eating and routines as ways to nourish and “fill up your cup” may be attributes of the other side of recovery.
Flexibility: Oftentimes recovery comes with a sense of flexibility, knowing each day is different, thoughts come and go, and ups and downs are normal. Further, it may be an acknowledgment that you maintain relationships with food and your body. These relationships are dynamic and may evolve with each passing day and season of life. Just like a relationship with a friend or partner, the relationship may not always be sunshine and rainbows and that’s okay. The combination of resilience and flexibility in recovery go hand in hand, and can be beneficial for keeping you grounded.
Being recovered from an eating disorder/disordered eating does NOT mean:
Perfection: There is no such thing as a perfect body, eating pattern, or perfect relationship with food. Being recovered is not about perfection, it is about learning. In fact, moving away from perfectionism can be a powerful component of healing.
A “shield” from diet culture: Unfortunately, we do not exist in a vacuum. We all live in diet culture, which makes recovery and being recovered incredibly challenging. Being recovered does not mean being immune to the constant toxic messages about food and body that you encounter on a daily basis. Rather, being recovered may mean that you are able to better examine these messages critically, or notice when a comment, social media post, TV ad, etc. contributes to a negative thought.
Loving your body: You do not have to love your body to be recovered from your eating disorder or chronic dieting, or a rocky relationship with food. For most people, loving their body may be unrealistic, and that is perfectly fine. Some hope that their body’s appearance will take up less headspace, while others may desire to arrive at a place of radical self-love. There’s no right answer, and you have the power to decide how your recovered self wants to be in relationship with your body.
Typically here are some signs that you’ve recovered from the eating disorder/ disordered eating:
You don’t find yourself as preoccupied with food and body
You have a greater sense of ease with food and body
You trust your body, most of the time
You enjoy food and no longer have any food rules
You are no longer engaging in food restriction, fasting or any other form of intentionally denying yourself food
You move/exercise for pleasure and not punishment. You no longer engage in movement to “make up” for foods that you’ve eaten or for “not working out enough”
You are able to understand and see diet culture in all its sneaky and insidious ways and not participate in it
You include a variety of foods/food groups and don’t see food as good/bad, healthy/unhealthy, etc.
You have resources to pull from if the desire to use a disordered behavior arises and you are able to get yourself through it
You no longer are engaging in disordered behaviors like binging, restricting, purging, and overexercising
You see food and nourishing yourself as something positive
You’ve decreased, if not entirely eliminated, body checking behaviors
Challenge: What does or will recovery mean to you?
I can speak to what the state of “recovered” from disordered eating/eating disorder means, but what matters more is that the definition is yours and resonates with you.
Try journaling, sketching, or creating a word map so that you have your own vision. Consider qualities, goals, mantras, present or future experiences you desire, and more. It may include words, quotes, images, symbols that inspire you.
Try thinking about and imagining if I was following you around for a day in the life of future recovered you, what would I notice? How would you be engaging with food? How would you move through your day? How would your relationships be? Thoughts about your body?
Remember in the end that eating disorder/disordered eating recovery is not the same for any one person and that your goals in the work are what matters most. Recovery is not linear and your recovery, and what “recovered” includes, will vary from person to person.
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Recovering from an eating disorder/disordered eating and stopping the endless battle against your own body is hard work. You deserve support to develop love, compassion and understanding for the body you have and to finally get out of the cycles of the eating disorder/disordered eating for good! The dietitian nutritionists from our Seattle, WA-based nutrition counseling practice would be honored to help you to overcome your struggle. To get support today, please contact us.