Dietitian Explains Why Your Child Is Hiding Food
You’re finding wrappers in the nightstand, crumbs behind the bed, and snacks from the fridge seem to be disappearing quickly. You’re concerned that your child is eating food in secret, and as a parent/caregiver, you’re not sure what to do.
You suspect your child is hiding food and eating in secret and that may feel confusing, frustrating and/or alarming for you. You’re not sure if you should adjust how you parent your child when it comes to food. You’ve heard about other parents locking cabinets and taking away access to food, or maybe this is what was done in your household growing up.. You want to help your child, but you’re at a loss for what to do.
As a parent, you want the best for your kiddo. You want them to be happy, and to have a peaceful, positive relationship with food. There’s a multitude of reasons why your child or teen might be eating in secret or hiding food. The first step in helping your child is to identify the cause of your child’s behavior.
Here are some reasons why your child might be eating food in secret:
They are restricting types of foods or amounts of foods
Sometimes this happens during the day when their at all school which can look like skipping meals, and not eating full meals or snacks
There is food shaming within the home
Some examples of food shame are: Comments about how much food a kid is taking, poking fun of how much they love food, commenting negatively about taking more food, taking food away once a kid starts eating despite it being on the table, and commenting on weight gain related to food intake or how “unhealthy” a food is. These will lead to kids wanting to eat less around parents and therefore they will restrict food at meal time to avoid comments from parents.
Your child/teen has restricted access to sweets and desserts
It feels counterintuitive, but the more that you restrict kids around sweets, the more they will want them, crave them, and go wild when they do have them. They will also find a way to get access to them in secret and this usually leads to binging behaviors.
Your child experiences shame or guilt around eating
This can be due to something happening in the home, something happening outside the home and/or what they are observing from the influential adults around them when it comes to food.
Your child is experiencing negative emotions towards their body
This can be because parents, peers, doctors or another adult has made comments about a kid's body shape/size not being acceptable just as it is. Additionally, your child/teen is growing and their body is changing at a rapid pace. This can be really confusing for kids, and difficult to cope with these changes without guidance and support from safe adults.
If your child experiences any one of the above examples, they may begin to fear eating in front of other people, worry about people judging them, and be concerned about how much food or types of food they’re eating.
What You Can Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Hiding Food or Eating In Secret?
1. Create a food neutral environment
Food judgments can take form in a lot of different ways as mentioned before. It includes referring to food as “good” vs. “bad”, “healthy” vs. “unhealthy”, “light” vs. “heavy”, etc. Diet culture perpetuates harmful food judgments and generates fear and shame around food for parents and kids alike.
One of the best ways to help your child is to create a neutral food environment in which all foods are morally equal. For example, at Bravespace Nutrition our dietitians teach parents and kids alike how to see the value in all foods because of what they have to offer and emphasize that variety and adequacy is priority. Parents are encouraged to avoid referring to foods as “good” or “bad”, and to create a safe-space for your child in which all foods fit!
2. Ensure consistent access to a variety of foods
Restriction can lead to binge eating behaviors and can cause your teen to sneak food and eat in secret. Food restriction can happen in different forms, including restricting types of food, portions of food, amounts of food, calories related to food, and food groups. If your child has limited access to certain foods in the house, such as sweet foods, it’s likely that they’ll feel the urge to sneak food and eat it in secrecy.
Giving your child consistent access to all types of foods can help normalize sweets and create a positive relationship with food. If your child has consistent access, it’s likely that they’ll feel less inclined to sneak or hide food. This can look like:
Keeping a bowl of candy in the kitchen
Giving your child seconds or thirds if they ask
Normalizing desserts and candy with meals and snacks
Allowing your child to pick out foods at the grocery store
Modeling eating sweets with them and taking about what you love about them
Talking about the moral judgment around sweets
3. Check-in with your child’s beliefs, thoughts, and emotions towards food and body image
If you’re unsure of your child’s relationship with food, try to keep an open mind and be curious with them. When you find out that your teen or child is sneaking food, you may want to ask them immediately and directly about their behaviors, but this approach might not get you the answers you’d hope for. Instead of asking your child directly about hiding food or eating in secret as a first step (later you will ask them directly and explore what’s happening together), try asking them these questions instead with an open mind and genuine curiosity:
I’m wondering how are things going at school?
I’m curious to know how the food has been at school? And at home?
I’m wondering, how are you feeling about your body lately?
I’m curious to know if you’re feeling satisfied with the kinds of foods we’re getting or if there is anything that you’d like to add to our list this week?
I’m wondering how it would be for you when we go to the store to pick out foods that you want and like?
These questions are likely to create connection and trust, which often needs to come first before you work toward understanding the root cause of a child's behaviors. Engaging them and honoring their lived experience with food and their body, along with their felt sense of agency in the home food environment, can help them open up about their struggles with food.
4. Check in with your own thoughts and beliefs about food
While it’s often unintentional, a parent’s relationship to food and body image (an “almond mom” being one example of this) impacts the way a child perceives food and their own body image. For example, if you make frequent comments about feeling guilty after eating desserts or eating too much food, it might cause your child to fear judgment for their own food choices and feel guilty when they too eat the desserts. This might lead to eating food secretly, sneaking sweets or dessert, hiding wrappers, etc.
Check in with your own thoughts and beliefs towards food, and try to model a positive and flexible food environment for your teen or child!
5. Have you and/or your child meet with a registered dietitian
It can be challenging as a parent to help your child in their relationship with food. With so much controversy and misinformation about eating disorders in teens floating around, it’s common for parents to feel overwhelmed and stuck. But the good news is that you don’t have to do this alone!
Dietitians are trained to help your child, and you as a parent, mend their relationship with food and help support you as a parent. Dietitians that specialize in working with teens can get to the root of what may be happening that is leading the child to hide food and support them in mending their relationship to food and their body.