The One Tool Your Eating Disorder Recovery Might Be Missing
By: Lindsay Hodgson, MSN
Image of white women holding hands to her heart with silver rings on for Bravespace Nutrition in Seattle Washington. Getting online eating disorder support so that you can recover from the eating disorder is essential. Our eating disorder therapists will help you to develop more compassion and finally recover for good. Reach out to a caring eating disorder therapist today!
When you’re starting to heal your relationship with food and go through eating disorder recovery, there’s no denying that the way you speak to yourself matters. Kindness and compassion are essential, but self-compassion is much easier said than done. When you first hear the phrase it can feel disorienting and self-compassion can feel hard to access given the “tough it out” culture you live in.
But interestingly, self-compassion is backed by science as a supportive tool in eating disorder recovery. Here, we break down self-compassion: What is it? Why is it so beneficial when moving away from diet culture and healing your relationship with food? And why does it feel so hard to practice?
What is self-compassion?
For most people, when they think of a compassionate person, they think of someone who cares deeply about others and their needs. Compassion is a quality that many admire in others and yet it can (and should!) be given to ourselves too. But when it comes to self-compassion, most people in eating disorder recovery do not like the idea of self-compassion. It evokes a feeling of needing to be Pollyanna or be kind to themselves, but self-compassion is not this!
Self-compassion is the process of treating yourself with the same compassion that you would a loved one. It’s not necessarily about “loving yourself.” Instead it’s more about your response when things get tough. Self-compassion entails recognizing the feeling of hardship and validating your own experience. It’s also about accepting that to be human living in this world means to be imperfect and face adversity. It may encompass the way you speak to yourself, the beliefs you have about yourself, the way you respond to situations, and more.
Three key elements of self-compassion are:
Self-kindness. Self-kindness means offering yourself warmth and understanding when faced with difficulty. This doesn’t mean bi-passing your suffering via “good vibes only.”
Common humanity. Common humanity means acknowledging that the human condition can be messy, imperfect, and painful at times. We often feel alone when faced with hardship, but we have struggles in common especially when it comes to eating disorder recovery.
Mindfulness. Mindfulness means observing your emotional state, especially the negative thoughts and feelings without judgment. Recognizing judgmental or critical thoughts help to then be able to re-frame them into compassionate messages.
Self-compassion is applicable in many contexts and is an essential part of healing from the eating disorder. For this reason, it is a skill that many therapists and nutrition counselors use in their work with clients.
For most people self-compassion doesn’t come naturally. This can be for many reasons, but one of the main ones is that our culture promotes “tough love” and perfectionistic thinking. We often think that we will develop strength by being harsh on ourselves (you likely are your meanest critic) so that we can do better and achieve more. Another reason is that being mean to yourself has been a subconscious way of protecting yourself- if you can beat others to it, nothing anyone says can hurt you.
How does self-compassion relate to eating disorder recovery?
In eating disorder recovery self-compassion can be advantageous. This is because it is thought to help activate the calmer, more relaxed state in your nervous system and lessen stress. Self-compassion has been studied as an approach in a variety of eating disorder treatment settings, and was related to further improvements in eating disorder recovery. It may also be supportive in helping people with eating disorder histories connect and respond to their bodies’ cues. Self-compassion is not just a buzzword about self-love- it’s backed by science for healing relationships to food and body!
If you’re having trouble practicing self-compassion in eating disorder recovery, it can be helpful and validating to zoom out and consider the many ways in which recovery is no easy feat.
Here are some reasons why you would benefit from practicing self-compassion in eating disorder recovery:
You are learning new ideas and concepts that might be vastly different from how you were raised and come to understand your worth and identity in this culture. Challenging diet culture ain’t easy! If you relate to this experience, you are not alone! For most people, their worldview turns upside down when they start to reflect on diet culture and the impact it’s had on them.
You are learning to stop dieting and stop disordered behaviors that have helped you cope with living in a world that tells you that your body is wrong or needs improvement. For instance, maybe you're working on stopping calorie counting or perhaps your goal is to put away the scale and work on weighing yourself less frequently. Giving up behaviors that give you a sense of control over your eating can be anxiety-producing and can bring up plenty of uneasy emotions.
You are adopting tools and behaviors that may be brand new. Maybe you’re starting to eat foods you previously feared, you’re trying new less intensive forms of exercise, or you’re finding new clothes that fit your body. Taking steps forward is brave and uncharted territory.
You are beginning to be present with your body with intuitive eating and mindfulness. Being more connected to your body is scary if you've never done it before. For some people it is deeper therapeutic work that can bring up difficult experiences and emotions that were once buried or pushed away.
Self-compassion is pivotal to eating disorder recovery work in that it helps to support the difficult moments on your journey toward recovery. Recognizing the challenge of what you’re going through and the resilience you’ve demonstrated is a kind way of approaching the healing process. Self-compassion supports recovery because it brings in more kindness to nurture your relationship with food and it can help to remind you that you’re not alone!
What are some ways you can practice self-compassion?
Being more compassionate with yourself can be really challenging, especially when it’s new to you. Your mindset may not shift right away, and that is okay!
Here are ways to incorporate more self-compassion:
Notice when you have a critical or judgmental thought. The act of observing is powerful because it prevents the thoughts from being on autopilot. This helps you become aware of what contexts may make you more critical of yourself, and when you might benefit from self-compassion.
Develop self-compassion mantras that resonate with you. Some examples might be: “I will take this one day at a time,” or, “being kind to my body means nourishing it,” or, “this feels really hard right now and I’m listening.” Place sticky notes with your self-compassion mantras where you will see them: your desk, mirror, refrigerator, your phone home screen, car dashboard, and more.
Ask yourself how would you speak to a friend, child or your younger self going through your same situation or feeling your same emotion? Consider using that question as a journal prompt.
Remind yourself that you’re not alone by connecting with other people that are in eating disorder recovery.
Create a mindfulness practice. This doesn’t have to be anything too formal and can involve starting with 5 minutes per day of listening to a meditation or breathing.
Schedule an appointment with an online eating disorder nutrition therapist so that you can get support and tools to create a compassion practice.
It may be hard to believe right now, but self-compassion may be the tool your recovery is missing. Doing brave, hard things requires self-compassion.
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Do you struggle to bring compassion into your relationship with food?
Recovery is an incredibly brave, hard journey. Self-compassion can be a powerful tool in recovery, and yet it can be hard to develop on your own. At Bravespace Nutrition our Seattle-based anti-diet Dietitians and nutrition therapists work virtually helping people who are struggling with food and body image. It’s possible to change your relationship with food and your body, free up headspace, and live your life with more presence, abundance and peace. Learn more about Bravespace Nutrition, our philosophy, and the services we offer.